Damage control now, or not?

Sorry to post woe.

I'm stuck. Urges to SH have been bad for a while. I don't know whether damage control and doing it now/soon is a good idea, or leave it and hope that I don't dissociate and do it (which is likely, given my history around this time). The urges of things I want to do are really really bad, so if I gave in to them, I would be doing less damaging things than what I 'should'/have to do. So there is no guarantee it will be 'enough' for him.

I don't know. I'm sorry.

If there's no guarantee that it will quell the urges/satisfy what He wants, then I'd suggest keep going darl. Ask those around you to keep a close eye, speak to your care-co etc about the urges & your fear that you may disaccociate?

Hope you find the strength you need Xx

^her care-coordinator sucks. Dissociation would be preferable to talking to her

I think it would be a massive success over the gentleman if you could keep going and get past next Tuesday without engaging in behaviours. It would be really fucking hard but I think it would be an important step forward in helping you feel like actually you are in control now, and other people, imaginary or otherwise can't do things to you or make you do things to yourself that you don't want to do.

If you want to try to fight it, even if not ALL the way until Tuesday, maybe just for today, then I'm here and we can work out plans to keep you safe from dissociation.

Saying all that, I'm aware that I have really no clue about how hard this is for you, and know that I will still love you and care for you if you decide that damage limitation is for the best now.

Thankyou.
I'm stuck. I feel stuck.

How are things now? x